I never imagined myself a widow, alone, partnerless at 48. I joked with Scott that I would never change his diapers when he was old and incontinent, but I envisioned buying the diapers, and handing them to an older version of my handsome husband. Life had other plans.

So here I am almost six months past his death seeking an outlet to express the chaos of life after losing a spouse. Death of a spouse is so complicated, so much more than the loss of the human you treasured. The hopes and dream for your future die too, and memories become shadowed in pain and heartbreak. Even harder is watching your children mourn their father and the only life they knew which included him in every aspect of that world.

I hope that this site will be an outlet for me to express the grief that pervades our life. And if anyone else happens to have to walk in these somber shoes, I hope that this will help him/her no they are not alone.